Cuts
by Lille Loveland
Summary: A request story. Gilbert is suicidal, cutting himself on a regular basis. When his last friend, Alfred finds out, he does everything he can to change Gilbert's mind. With Gilbert dead set on destroying himself, can Alfred save him before he lets go forever? Rated M for ideologically sensitive material and sexual situations.


Characters: Prussia x America America comes over to Prussia's house to find him cutting and stuffz...and they have sex. Rated M /Suicidal Prussia

_**Author's Note:**_ This story is done by request for Iraqi-Poo17. I don't mind doing a request for anyone so don't be afraid to ask! ^^

* * *

Gilbert sat in his room, in the basement of his brother's home. Red reflected back into red as he stared at his wrist. Warm blood oozed from a fresh cut, another one to add to a growing collection of self-inflicted injuries. He had been cutting for years, hiding it from his brother and his friends. The cuts weren't limited to his wrists, however, they also covered his stomach thighs, and upper arms. He'd ended up doing it so often, he'd become practically addicted to it. Not only did cutting alleviate his depression and inner pain, it had become a high.

There were so many times he'd nearly lost his life, bleeding out on the floor of his basement bathroom, his brother completely ignorant. He'd wished he had.

So here he sat, slicing up his arm like a steak. He watched the blood flow and eventually coagulate. He hissed making another slice with his pocket knife. Gilbert hated his life, it's why he did it. No one noticed him, his friends spent less and less time with him, his brother was always with his boyfriend. But there was one. One person who talked to him more than the others, and that was Alfred. He texted the German often, called him, did his best to meet up with him. That's what made Gilbert tolerate his life, he thought as he cleaned away the blood on his pocket knife and stood up to do the same to his arm.

He sighed then hissed as the cold water hit the fresh wounds. Gilbert searched his cabinet for his bandages and peroxide. Pulling his arm away from the water, he poured the peroxide over the cuts to disinfect them and bandaged them quickly as they again began to bleed. Closing the cabinet he stared into the mirror at himself. He hated what he saw: pale skin, red eyes, silver hair. He hated it.

With a sigh, he walked from the bathroom and up the stairs to the main floor where his brother was getting a little too close to his boyfriend. Feliciano's giggles and whispered "Ludwig!~"'s. The pale German sighed as he made his way to the kitchen, "Hey bruder. Hey Feli." he muttered, walking past them behind the couch. Ludwig flustered, going red and moved away from the Italian. Gilbert smirked at this. "Ciao Gilbert!~" Feli sang, turning around to see him. Gilbert gave a wave and entered the kitchen in search for a beer.

He was jealous of his brother for having such a loving boyfriend. He wished for someone like that for he'd never gotten to have the experience. He felt he never would. Then his phone buzzed. He looked, face lighting up to see that Alfred had texted him.

"_Dude!"_

This made Gilbert smiled, the enthusiasm the American had always seemed to brighten things up. He texted back:

"_Hey. Was ist los?" _(What's up?)

"_Nuthin much! Bored outta mah freaking mind though. Yo, we should totally hang out!"_

"_Ja...what did you have in mind?"_

"_One word bro: STRIP. CLUB. BOO-FREAKING-YAH."_

Gilbert sighed. He really wasn't in the mood to see naked woman, yet he didn't want to decline a chance to hang out with the only person who wanted to see him.

"_Ah...how about I just meet you at your house, and we can play some video games?"_

"_Sure! Ceeya then Broham!"_

He put his phone away and set down his now half empty (or full) beer. He grabbed the car keys, "I'm going out!" he slammed the door on the way out and got into Ludwig's car before the younger brother could react.

He arrived within 15 minutes, hopping up the stairs. "Dude!" Alfred shouted with a wide grin, arms open as if for a hug. "Hey." he smiled back. "Come in bro! Don't stand there!" Alfred pulled Gilbert into his home. "Hungry? Thirsty? You want something or not?" The American sputtered. Gilbert laughed, "You're not giving me time to answer! Nein, I don't want anything." Alfred nodded, "Mmkay, mmkay..." As Gilbert sat down, Alfred returned to the living room with an arm full of chips, soda, and a bag of cookies.

"So dude, What do you want to do?" Alfred asked through a mouth full of Doritos. Gilbert smirked then sighed as he leaned back on the couch. "I figured we'd play video games?" Alfred nodded and got up to put in Mortal Kombat, tossing the other a controller. He again plopped down next to Gilbert as the two started the game.

Gilbert laughed and smiled along with Alfred, having a good time. Until the urge hit, that is. Gilbert had to cut again. He had to feel the blade split open his skin and as he felt this urge, he felt his smile dissipate, remembering why it was he felt the urge. Gilbert's demeanor suddenly flashed from joy to utter depression like it had so many times before. "I'm going to the bathroom." He muttered, setting down his controller and headed to the bathroom. "Huh? Oh yeah no prob dude!" Alfred grinned as he watched the other leave.

Once in the bathroom, Gilbert frantically searched his pockets for his pocket knife. He growled in anger when he realized he'd left it on his bed. He paced the restroom gripping his arms then stopped, leaned on the wall and slid down it. Why now? Why did he have to feel this horrible when he wanted so bad to to smile with Alfred. So bad to just...just...stop. "Hey, dude...? Are you okay? You've been in there for like freaking ever man." Gilbert looked up then, his breath hitching. Standing up, Gil pretended to flush and opened the door. "Es tut mir leid..." he muttered. "What's wrong..?" Alfred asked, his own smile dropping when he seen just how low Gilbert had looked. "Nichts (nothing). Let's just get back to the game." The German snapped, walking back to the living room.

Alfred frowned at this and rubbed his cheek as if he'd been hit. "Yeah..I guess..." He too walked back to the living room. The pair continued to play the game with much less laugher. "I'm sorry..." Gilbert apologized with a sigh, scratching at his cuts through his sleeve. "Don't worry about it. Are you alright?" Gilbert was silent but he nodded, again scratching at his cuts. Alfred noticed this and took his friends arm "What do you keep scratching at, bro?" He asked curiously. Gilbert snapped his arm back. "Nothing, don't touch!" he shouted with a hint of fear hidden in his voice.

Catching this, Alfred became concerned. "What do you mean? What's wrong?" He tried to move Gilbert's red jacket sleeve. "Nein!" Gilbert screamed trying to move away. "Dude! Quit!" Alfred shouted back. They wrestled with each other, Alfred refusing to let go of Gilbert's arm, and Gilbert refusing to let the other keep a hold of him. "Why are you fighting this?! What are you trying to hide?!" The American shouted out of breath, straddling the German as he wrestled for his arms. "None of your Goddamn business!" He shouted back.

"Gilbert fucking quit and let me see!" Alfred ordered, panting and ripping down Gilbert's jacket sleeve, instantly going silent. Gilbert's heart pounded. He didn't want his friend to see what he'd done to himself. He hated looking at them himself. "Gil..." Gilbert felt ashamed, he felt embarrassed. "Gilbert...why...why would you do this to yourself...?" Alfred felt angry, he felt scared for his friend, he felt sad. "Because." was the short, vague answer. "Tell me Gilbert."

"I don't have to tell you anything, now get the fuck off me." Gilbert glared at his friend, a snarl in his voice. "Not until you tell me why you did this. Are there more? How long have you been doing this?" Alfred ripped down the other sleeve and gasped when he seen more scars and cuts. Gilbert tried to fight the American off but gave up after he practically bit his head off for even trying. "Where else are they?" Gil sighed. Might as well tell, he figured. "Everywhere. All over my arms, my stomach, my thighs." He felt so ashamed as he spoke. He hated himself even more now that his friend knew.

The urge to cut again growing stronger as his heart panged with stinging pain. He never wanted Alfred to know, to judge him the way others always do. "Why...?" Alfred was about ready to burst, tear at his eyes. He'd cared for Gilbert for so long and seeing what he'd done to himself nearly killed him. Gilbert was silent. "Gil...please..." he begged. "Vati...Vati never loved me...I don't know why...everything...everything I did was to please him...but...he hated me." Gilbert held in his tears after finally giving into Alfred's demands.

"It was always about Ludwig...everything. I was so useless, worthless. Vati didn't love me...Mutti died. Why? Why? He did that to me...h-he let him do that to me...why...?" he couldn't hold it in and tears poured from Gilbert's eyes. Alfred's shoulders sagged as he listened. "What did he do...?" He was almost afraid to ask. "Vati...I was eight...he came down to my room...it was night time...he beat me up, like he always did...then he-he.." Gil's voice shook as he spoke, heart pounding. Alfred became nauseous, anticipating the worst. "He raped me...Vati raped me...for hours, again and again...I screamed, I begged. I tried to fight him off...he pinned me down and just kept...he just kept doing it!" he sobbed as he explained what had happened to him, why he cut himself, why he always wanted to just die. "He let his friend...he let him do it too. All the time they did that to me! I couldn't scream...I couldn't move! For years...they raped me over and over for YEARS!"

Gilbert sobbed and pulled Alfred into a tight hug, the latter holding him tightly. "Shh...Gil, I'm so sorry, I had no idea. Don't cry man..." He said in order to try to comfort his friend, feeling stupid for barely saying anything. "Nein...Nein! They all judge me...they all hate me, ignore me! They're just like him! They only look at me, talk to me to hurt me...I fucking hate all of it! I want to die! I want to fucking die!" Alfred hugged him tighter, tears threatening to spill from his own eyes. "No, Gilbert...You can't die...please. Y-You're way too awesome bro!" Alfred urged, finding it difficult to express himself.

"Nein! I'm awesome?! I'm fucking shit! I say I'm awesome because I don't want anyone else to now just how I would rather fucking die!" Gilbert shouted, shoving Alfred off of him and rushing to the kitchen. "I can't fucking do it anymore Alfred! What did I do to deserve that?! And all my life he's mocked me about it! Always 'Gil, Rome wants to know how you're doing' 'Gil I have something for you in the basement' 'Gil don't be too loud, we don't want Ludwig hearing…'" the German began to sob. "I can't do it anymore…I can't!" Gilbert searched Alfred's kitchen drawers for a knife.

Alfred began to panic, taking Gilbert's arms away from the counters and cabinets. "Stop Gil! You can't!" he begged. "And why the fuck not?! The only one who actually gives a shit is you!" was the argument. "Exactly! I do care about you!" Gilbert just growled and ripped his arms away from his friend. "Do you know how selfish you sound?" Alfred gripped Gilbert's wrists again. "I love you!" he shouted.

Red eyes widened. "You're lying, you selfish son of bitch. You're lying!" he growled. "No, I'm not!" Alfred swallowed the lump in his throat. If this was his only chance to save Gilbert, he was going to have to spill everything. "I love you Gilbert! I have for so long and if I lost you...please, please...don't kill yourself, please don't cut yourself...just stay...just smile for me...Gil…Please! Don't leave like this! Don't kill yourself when there's someone standing right the fuck in front of you, telling you they love you! I want to fucking help you Gilbert! How can I if you're dead and I start what you're doing because you're gone?!"

Gilbert pulled back and turned away from his friend. "How could you say that to me?"

"Because it's true. I have…I have for a really long time bro." Alfred tried explaining. "Don't you think I'm disgusting? Don't you think I'm worthless?" Alfred shook his head. "I don't. It's not your fault they hurt you, it's not your fault you were tortured so badly. You didn't deserve that. But now you deserve to be heard, to be helped and actually loved. Please Gil, let me do that for you. Because I will…and I'll mean it. I do mean it. Hear me out."

Gilbert didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. Alfred stared at the back of Gilbert's head, waiting for a response. "Gil…" The German sighed, clenching his fists. "Fine." He snarled. "But I swear, Alfred. I'm not taking this lightly, and if you do-"

"I'm not. I'm serious."

"Then…then we'll…give it a try…you mean a lot to me. You're the only one who knows, you're the only one who cares about me. So…I'll give it a try…" Alfred hugged him from behind, tightly wrapping his arms around him. "Thank you…thank you so much…"

* * *

Alfred and Gilbert had begun dating soon after Gilbert's confession. Alfred had been trying to wean Gilbert off of his cutting habit during this time. With a new reason to live, to actually stop harming himself, Gilbert allowed his lover to help him, because as long as he had Alfred, he was happy enough not to want to cut. Of course he had his urges and that's when Alfred would pull him close, rub his arms lightly and kiss his head while whispering sweet nothings. It was going well for the pair.

At this moment, Alfred straddled Gilbert, German hands roaming American thighs as they kissed. Well…made out. They'd been dating for a few months, yet they hadn't so far as a grope through the pants. But tonight was different. Gilbert was nearly over his addiction to cutting, hard as it was and they were both feeling frisky. Their tongues tangled with one another as Alfred's hands pushed up Gilbert's shirt. Gilbert licked, nipped and kissed at Alfred's neck as he tugged at the hem of his blue jeans. "Al…" Gil panted, feeling his own jeans tighten. Alfred smirked as he felt this, "Tonight the night?" he asked. Gilbert looked up at his lover with want in his eyes.

Feeling the same want, Alfred grinded his hips into Gilbert's as their lips once again latched onto one another's. Gilbert began to undo his lover's pants, his hand delving in between the fabrics of cotton boxers and denim jeans. Alfred released a soft groan and pressed into his hand. Moving up, Gilbert lay Alfred down onto the couch, their positions switched. He tugged at the other's clothes. He kissed and nipped down the American's chest, stopping to suck at one of his nipples.

Alfred chewed his lip with a sigh of pleasure, rubbing his leg against Gilbert's clothed member. Gilbert groaned, biting down a little rougher than before as he pressed his palm to Alfred's hardening member. He smirked at the sounds the American made, pulling down his American flag boxers. Alfred blushed as his cock sprung up from its confines into Gilbert's face, throbbing with need. Gilbert smirked, giving a light lick from the base up. Alfred gave a slight whimper as his lover began to suck along his shaft. Gilbert took him into his mouth, tongue laving over everything it could reach as he took more and more of the younger male's cock into his mouth.

Alfred moaned, lacing his fingers through silver tresses. Gilbert sucked as his head bobbed, fingers reaching up to Alfred's mouth. He took the German's fingers greedily, sucking on them and soaking them with his saliva while he moaned with pleasure. Gilbert continued bobbing his head, pulling his fingers from the other's mouth and placing two at his entrance He moved his fingers in and out of Alfred who mewled with small moans at every thrust of his fingers and bob of his head. After the third finger, Gilbert sat up and slipped off his own pants. Alfred, however, panted under his German lover, cock twitching, cheeks red with a blush of desire. "Gil…c'mon, hurry up…" he whined.

Gilbert smirked at this and placed the head of his own cock at Alfred's entrance. He pushed in to the hilt, Alfred moaning and wincing. Gilbert groaned in pleasure at the warmth and tightness that was Alfred. "M-move…" Alfred commanded through panting breaths. Gilbert gladly obeyed, pulling out almost all the way, then thrusting back in hard. His pace was slow, but he delivered a harder thrust each time. Alfred dug his nails deep into Gilbert's back and shoulders when the pace quickened. "F-fuck! Gil!~" he moaned. Gilbert smirked hearing his name drip from the other's lips, gripping his hips, and thrusting deeper into him.

"Say it again." He ordered in a whisper, a smirk on his face. "G-Gilbert…Gilbert! Ah!~ Gil!" Alfred panted as he clawed into Gil's chest. Enjoying the pain, Gilbert gave a pleasured growl and started to pound deeper into his lover, searching for his sweet spot. "TH-THERE GIL! FUCK ME THERE, PLEASE!" Alfred screamed. He pounded deep into his American lover, aiming directly for his sweet spot until he came over their stomachs and chests. Gilbert thrust a few more times until, he too, came inside him. They both panted hard as they tried to catch their breaths. Gilbert pulled out and lay next to Alfred, pulling him close.

"Wow…" Alfred panted. Gilbert smirked and nuzzled his neck, "Ich liebe dich, Al…" Alfred smiled and snuggled close to Gilbert, "I love you too…"

"Your ass is going to hurt later." Alfred rolled his eyes and laughed. "I know, but it's worth it. And it's your fault!" Gilbert laughed then and squeezed his lover. "You liked it…"

"I did…" Alfred smirked. Gilbert held Alfred's hand, interlacing their fingers as Alfred yawned. "Take a rest liebe." He kissed his head. Alfred nodded and curled up to Gilbert's chest, soon falling asleep. Gilbert removed Al's glasses, setting them on the arm of the couch as he couldn't reach the coffee table and closed his own eyes. A smile crept onto the German's face as he fell asleep. He could make it through this…as long as he had Alfred…he could make it.


End file.
